Too Many Crooks

by Crystalwizard

First published in Residential Aliens Magazine
Also included in the Strange Worlds of Lunacy anthology

An evil giant caught some thieves breaking into his home. He captured them and stuck them in a cage. While he was trying to decide what to do with them, he poured himself a beer and sat down on a bench to think. His friend happened by the window and asked what he was doing.

"I caught some thieves," the giant replied. "I'm trying to decide what to do with them." He picked up the cage and showed the five frightened men to his friend.

"Oh," said the friend. "Humans. They're too small to eat for lunch, but they taste great as a snack with beer. I had some just the other day."

"Beer?" The giant turned the cage around and peered at the thieves. "That sounds interesting. I'll have to try it. Thanks." The giant's friend waved and wandered off. The giant watched him go, then scrutinized the occupants of the cage. "Beer… I believe I'll try that right now."

He opened the cage door and pulled one of the men out. The thief struggled and tried to bite the giant, but his mouth wouldn't open far enough. "Stop wiggling," the giant thundered. The man managed to slip out of the giant's grasp and fell into the beer. Something in the beer reacted with his skin and a nice bit of foam appeared in the mug.

"Oh hey," the giant squinted into the mug, "I like that." He pulled a second man out of the cage and dropped him into the mug too. The foam got even higher. The giant cackled and dropped the other three men into the mug one at a time. Each time, the foam rose until he dropped the fifth man into the beer. As the last thief splashed into the liquid, the foam burped and dissipated.

The giant scowled into the beer, then reached down and plucked one of thieves out. As soon as the man left the beer, a nice foamy head rose almost to the top of the mug.

"Well," said the giant as he dropped the extra thief back into the cage and shut the door, "I guess I'll stick with four. Evidently too many crooks spoil the froth."